Reverend Joseph E. Kurtz, D.D. Bishop | Archdiocese of Louisville

During the holiday season, many people look forward to celebrations and time with family. However, for those who have recently lost a loved one, this period can be difficult. Deacon Scott Hedges, a psychiatrist serving at the Shrine of St. Martin of Tours, explained that “sensory reminders” such as music, food, or scents can intensify feelings of grief during the holidays. “Our brains and our souls naturally pair or couple those sensory experiences with our emotional memories. Grief can feel all the more poignant and sharpened as we remember those experiences,” he said.

Deacon Hedges also noted that social and personal expectations may add stress for people who are grieving at this time of year. He said, “Christmas is perceived as a time of warmth or togetherness or family or celebration. And when someone is grieving, or they are sad, the contrast between what they feel on the inside and what they see on the outside can create a dissonance.”

To support individuals coping with loss during the holidays, several parishes in the Archdiocese of Louisville host gatherings for those who are grieving. Denise Ruiz, pastoral care coordinator at St. Margaret Mary Church, said that many people attend these events in their first years after a loss. She described this initial period as a “year of firsts” when individuals learn how to manage annual celebrations without their loved one.

Ruiz emphasized that these gatherings aim to validate participants’ experiences: Facilitators often tell those gathered, “You have permission to do things differently.” This message encourages attendees to let go of expectations that holidays will be unchanged after loss.

She added that participants are encouraged to consider how they want to approach traditions and invitations during the season.

Deacon Hedges advised those experiencing grief to treat themselves with gentleness and mercy as they navigate holiday events for the first time without their loved one present. He said it is acceptable to make changes: “It helps to set up realistic expectations. Maybe this year, you simplify your decorations. Maybe you decide not to go to the company party. Maybe you decide to keep things small or slow.”

He also spoke about hope as an important part of healing: “The challenge is walking that fine line of practicing hope without forcing cheerfulness in the process. To practice hope without forcing cheerfulness starts with allowing ourselves to grieve. We can recognize that we feel lost in grief; we can recognize that we have suffering in our lives. But also recognize that this is a time of year when the church places before us expectation.”

Deacon Hedges suggested incorporating memories of loved ones into religious observances like Advent and Christmas as one way to maintain connection while practicing hope.

He further recommended turning toward sacraments for comfort: “Allow the sacraments to hold you,” he said. “Daily Masses can be a great place for quiet healing.” He added that reconciliation "can bring peace to your restless heart."

Ruiz shared practical advice for families and friends supporting someone who is grieving but did not specify details within this statement.